“… Do not worship anyone but Him (Allah); and be good to your parents…” [Qur’an, 17: 23]
The true and enduring happiness lies in doing your duty with moral excellence. Islam capsules three most critical elements of faith and action: Tawheed, Akhairah, and (therefore) Compliance, to motivate people to fulfill their duty justly and conscientiously. This duty entails obligations that fall in three categories: Obligations with respect to Allah swt, humanity, and one’s own-self. The obligations toward fellow humans vary in type and nature with human sub-groupings. The two most important sub-groups are parents and children.
Parents: Among the obligations with respect to fellow humans are the rights of parents on their children. Obedience to parents is by far their most important right. It is profoundly motivational and remarkably logical to note that the rationale for obedience to parents is akin to the reason that requires us to obey Allah swt. The favors of Allah swt and the favors of parents are so compelling that the least we can do is to obey them. Of course, the favors of Allah swt are intrinsic and obedience to Him is unconditional. Though the favors of parents are secondary and obedience to them is within parameters, treating them generously is, nevertheless, unqualified.
The minimum requirement of the basic human decency is “favor for favor.” This is also a basic norm of Islam: “What could be the reward of goodness but goodness?” [Q, 55: 60] Physical and tangible favors may be returned in kind. When a favor becomes enormous, however, it may not remain possible to reciprocate in kind. For example, how could the parents of a child return the heroic favor of a firefighter who saved the life of their child by risking his own? Thus, scenarios may be envisioned where an enormous favor may not be possible to be reciprocated. The only thing the beneficiary can do in this situation is to express his heartfelt gratitude and confess his inability to return the extraordinary favor. Hidden genuinely in this expression, however, is a deep rooted sense of loyalty toward the benefactor.
In the extreme case, the greatest favor that we all enjoy is that Allah swt is our Creator (Khaliq)and we owe our existence to Him. His next favor is that He has provided all means for our survival on earth as our Sustainer (Raziq). One who is Khaliq and Raziq is known as Rabb (Lord). There is no way we can return the favors of Allah swt. The least and the most we can do is to say and commit: O’ Allah! Thank You and we shall obey You. That is, Allah swt is our Ma’bood (worthy of worship). In short, one who is Rabb is also Ma’bood.
This is exactly the premise on which Allah swt is inviting the people of the world to worship and obey Him: “O mankind, worship your Lord Who has created you and those before you…It is He Who has made the earth a resting place for you, and the sky a canopy, and sent down water from above with which He brought forth fruits for your sustenance…” [Q, 2: 21-22] Here Allah swt is claiming to be the Rabb by virtue of being Khaliq and Raziq, and demanding that we take Him as our Ma’bood. Justice demands that we worship Allah swt withabsolute loyalty.
The closest that anybody comes to this model of Rabb are the parents. Allah swt has used our parents in the process of creation as means of our existence. It is true that Allah swt has created everything we need for our sustenance, but it is the parents that Allah swt has enabled to labor and bring the food to the table. In brief, the parents play a secondary role in Allah’s scheme of creating and sustaining a child. Just as we are unable to return the favors of Allah swt, except to obey Him, we are equally unable to return the favors of our parents, except to be generous to them.
This is precisely what Allah swt is commanding us to do: “We have enjoined man to treat his parents with kindness. His mother bore him with pain and she gave him birth with pain, and his bearing his weaning took thirty months…” [Q, 46: 15] Not a coincidence; Allah swt has provided the same reasoning for treating parents kindly as He has for obedience to Him as our Rabb.
Since the role of parents is secondary only to Allah swt in these two originating and viability functions, they have been placed second only to Allah swt in the hierarchy of obedience: “Your Lord has decreed: Do not worship any but Him; and be good to your parents; and should both of any of them attain old age with you, do not say to them even ‘fie’ neither chide them, but speak to them with honor; and be humble and tender to them and say: ‘Lord! Show mercy to them as they nurtured me when I was small.” [Q, 17: 23-24] This divine command not only establishes parents’ legal status in the Islamic fiqh, but also underscores that there is no limit to being gentle to them.
Once a man put his aging mother on his back and helped her perform tawaf of the Ka’aba. He then asked the Prophet Muhammad saw if he had returned the favors of his mother. He reacted by saying you haven’t even returned the favor of the first breath you breathed after she gave you the birth. Consistent with the Qur’an, the same emphasis was borne out when a person asked the Prophet saw: “Who has greater right to my service?” He replied: “Your mother.” He asked: “Who after her?” He replied: “Your mother.” He asked again: “Who after her?” He replied: “Your mother.” He asked still again: “Who after her?” He replied: “Your father.” [Muslim, Bukhari, Abu Daud] Reinforcing the same notion in a related narration, the Prophet saw indicated : The Paradise lies beneath the feet of your mother. [Ahmad, Nisai]
There are numerous narrations of the Prophet saw in regards to obedience to parents. Abdullah bin Masoud asked him: “What is the best deed that is most pleasing to Allah?” He replied: “Offering salat on time.” He asked: “What is after that?” He replied: “Serving parents kindly.” He asked again: “What is after that?” He replied: “Struggling in the way of Allah.” [Bukhari, Muslim] On the warning side, he said: “Among the major sins, the top two major sins are shirk and disobedience to parents.” [Bukhari, Muslim] Once the Prophet saw said: “May he be disgraced, then may he be disgraced, then may he be disgraced.” People asked: “O Prophet saw, who?” He replied: “He who found his parents in old age, both or one, and still (by serving them) did not enter Paradise.” [Muslim] The reward for respecting parents is so much that the Prophet saw encouraged his followers: “Whoever among the righteous children looks at his parents affectionately, Allah swt rewards him for one accepted Hajj.” Some people asked: “O Prophet of Allah! What if someone looks at his parents one hundred times a day?” He replied: “Yes, still if someone does it one hundred times a day; Allah (s) is most Great and exalted.” [Muslim]
One point, however, ought to be clearly understood. Respect for parents, generous treatment, and taking care of all their needs within one’s means is required without qualifications. It is not subject to parents’ faith, age or conduct. This requirement is solely by virtue of their being parents and having provided their services. The obedience to them is not so open ended, however. Children must respond to parents’ demands insofar as they do not conflict with any Islamic injunctions. There is no obedience in wrong doing. The Prophet saw instituted this basic principle of Islam by saying: “There may be no obedience to any creature in disobedience to the Creator.” [Muslim, Ahmad] This applies to parents too: “But if they strive with you to ascribe partner to Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; deal with in the worldly matters kindly…” [Q, 31: 15] That is, even if we do not obey them, we must still be responsive to their needs with respect and dignity. The least a person can do for his parents is to pray for them: “… O Lord! Show your mercy to them as they nurtured me when I was small.” [Q, 17; 24]
Children: On the other side of the equation are the rights of children on their parents. Basically, the parents have obligations in three areas: Firstly, they must give a meaningful name to the child. Prophet saw advises: “O People! You will be called by the names of your fathers; so give yourselves good names.” [Dawd] In another narration, he says: “You should name after the names of the Prophets; and the most likable names to Allah swt are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahman…” [Dawd, Nisai]
Secondly, bringing up a child is the most important responsibility of parents. This responsibility falls in two broad categories: (a) Financial and physical support and, (b) Discipline and education. Among the financial responsibilities of a person, his family comes first. Says the Prophet saw: “The first priority is to spend on own family and then on the next nearest relatives.” [Tibrani] He further emphasized this by saying: “If a dinar (unit of money) is spent in jihad for Allah, a dinar for freeing a slave, a dinar on a needy, and a dinar on personal family, then the best dinar in terms of reward is the one spent to support the personal family.” [Muslim]
Discipline and education of a child is the most intricate and challenging responsibility of parents. The Prophet saw instructs: “Muslims! Discipline your children well.” [Tibrani] Underlining the significance of nurturing the personality and character of a child, he says: “Whatever a father can provide to his child, the best gift is a good education and discipline.” [Mishkat] The education referred to here is not discipline-specific, though. Any education that has beneficial impact on life and the society is desirable. Whether the derived benefits are social, medical or economic, they are all valued. The study of the Qur’an, Islamic history, mathematics, physics, economics, or sociology, for instance, all contribute to the development of a well-rounded person.
But the knowledge that enriches a person intellectually and sharpens his vision about this life and its purpose occupies the highest place in Islam. Thus, the Islamic education precedes all other forms of education. The Prophet saw himself has set this standard: “The best among you is one who learns the Qur’an and teaches it.” [Bukhari] As soon as a child was old enough to speak in his family and relatives, the Prophet saw used to teach the first two verses of sura Al’ Furqan [Q, 25: 1-2] to implant early on in the young mind the concept of tawheed (Allah’s Sovereignty). He advises people: “Encourage your children at the age of seven to start salat and discipline them at the age of ten to establish the salat; and at this age separate their beds.” [Mishkat]
Thirdly, as soon as they attain the age of maturity and are ready to take the responsibility of a family, it is also parents’ obligation to facilitate and guide their children settle down in their family lives. Parents are not allowed to force a child to get married, nor are they supposed to impose their choice of a particular person as their spouse. Their only duty is to be a facilitator, especially when a child is ready and desirous to get married. The Prophet saw warns that when a child is ready and wants to get married and the parents do not help, if he/she gets involved in any wrong doing, the parents will be held accountable.
The Prophet saw has also provided a three-step process for raising children in a healthy and balanced environment. First, the parents should respect the intelligence of their children and build up their self-esteem. Second, when it comes to disciplining children, parents should be firm, up-front and unyielding. Give the message: Rules must be followed and limits cannot be crossed. Children will respect authority if exercised with consistency, love, and care. And third, the parents should teach moral values, by being a role model and by living the rules they establish. To be a role model of moral values is the most challenging thing; but there is no other way around it because education is by imitation, children are reflections of their parents, and hypocrisy is the worst thing to teach.
Authentication of this assertion rests in the Qur’an: “O’ Believers, save yourselves and your households from a Fire whose fuel shall be the men and the stones…” [Q, 66: 6]. It is not necessary to provide the luxuries of life to the family beyond means, nor is it enough to be righteous alone. The head of the family is responsible for presenting himself as a role model to those under his supervision. It also includes that he educate and discipline his household members, who have been entrusted to his care in the natural process of life, and foster a moral climate at home, so that they too become righteous and a value to the society.
Finally, a man is at his peak at the age of forty. At the apex of his lifecycle he acquires a panoramic view of life and its intricacies, and is best equipped how to manage them effectively and responsibly. That commanding position is a culmination of all his faculties and assets combined at their prime – also known as global optimum. This includes his intellectual maturity, emotional and mental stability, balanced material and moral pursuits, accumulated experiential wealth, professional and financial security, discrete social environment, and a young family. On one hand, he has growing children of his own to raise, and, on the other, aging parents to serve. Both become his focus of attention as treasured favors of Allah swt. His overarching compassion as a bridge between his parents and children is so divinely captured by Allah swt: “….when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Inspire me so that I may render thanks for the favor You have bestowed on me and my parents, and that I may act righteously in a manner that would please You. And (my Lord!) grant me for my comfort goodness in my children. I turn to you repentant, and truly I am of those who submit in compliance.” [Q, 46: 15]
Islamic Point of View 